Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
