He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
