there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
