But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
