you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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