suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
