Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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