Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
