soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
