My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I am available for nakedness
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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