Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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