I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
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SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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