Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
