I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's never too late to be topless.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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