Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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