I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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