He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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