even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
