Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
