You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Found your dick twin last night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
