Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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