Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
