I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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