We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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