Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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