Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
