Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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