i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
