You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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