I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
