Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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