I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
