After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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