I accidentally had phone sex last night
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
