another moral hangover. fuck.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
