i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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