i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
All the doctor said was why
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
