Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
