Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
