I didn't shave. On purpose
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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