Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
