I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
