my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
