??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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