Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
