i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
