but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
