I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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