I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
