just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
