oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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