Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
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I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
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When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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