Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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