mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
