I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
