I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
