so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
