Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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