if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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