Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
