I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
