i don't like sucking hair
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
