So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
