Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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