My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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