We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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