you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
