Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
