you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
