I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
