i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
