It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
